I was sorry to hear that Harvey Korman died...I thought he was so funny.
Here's a clip from the Carol Burnett show..
Yeah, I know I posted this before and that Harvey Korman isn't even in it but I can't hear any of the names of the people in that show without thinking about this clip. I've seen it hundreds of times and I still crack up every single time. Snorky.
I'm not sure about this vegetable garden thing.
This is the first year I've ever really taken it seriously. I've grown flowers
for years and with flowers you get what you see. You plug em' in the ground,
water them and that's pretty much it. This veggie thing is a whole different
ball of wax, though. It's more of a hurry up and wait thing. I check all my
plants every day and unless some vicious animal, like a little bunny rabbit, has
decimated their tender shoots..nothing much changes.
I've got ten different kinds of tomatoes, two green
bell peppers, two black bell peppers, one red bell pepper, and two jalapeños..and all they do is sit there. Some are starting to get flowers but
they're so tiny I'm worried the bees won't be able to find them. I'm gonna plant
some real flowers in there with them, just to be on the safe side. I'd try and
talk DeWitte into getting a bee hive but he likes bees as much as Chairman Mao
Zedong liked toothpaste. He'd never be able to come home from work.
We had some ground bees once and that ended so ugly
I felt sorry for the bees. There were explosives involved and everything, so I
think a bee hive would be out of the question..besides the fact that my veggie
garden is on his side of the yard (No..I'm not trying to slowly take over his
side of the yard...maybe.). That would be like someone putting snakes on my
side...shudder.
Well, if my flower idea doesn't work, I guess I'll
just go out there with some q-tips and artificially inseminate the flowers...you
can do that, right? I'm not sure if that would make me a vegetable pimp or a
vegetable gynecologist but whatever gets me tomatoes, I'm game.
Are there any people you would not tell if they had food in their teeth or if their zipper were down? Why or why not?
Submitted by Charms.
I always tell someone if their zippers down or if they have something on their face but especially if they've left the size sticker they put down the leg of new pants but only if they're over size 12. If it's under, I figure they're probably just showing off.
who, in their right mind, thought it was a good idea to teach Nathan "Heart and Soul" on the piano? I must not have been in my right mind. My. Ears. Are. Bleeding...
I'm about to tell you something and I want you
to brace yourself. I don't want anybody having a heart attack or anything..you
ready? I smoke cigarettes. I say that because I don't want anybody thinking I'm
smoking anything else, though sometimes, I'm sure you wonder.
So Monday afternoon, I went to 7-11 to buy
cigarettes and on the way in, I found a penny heads up. It was just sitting
there in the middle of the sidewalk, waiting for me to spy it. I picked it up
and put it in my pocket, contemplating all the good fortune that was surely
coming my way.
My first good fortune was that the jerk who suffers
from delusions of grandeur wasn't working in the store that day. He asks for
your ID like he's a cop that just pulled you over and he's asking for your
license and registration. I'm obviously over 18, he doesn't have to be such an
ass about it. Then, as I reached in my purse to grab my debt card, I found a
five dollar bill that I didn't even know I had. Man, this lucky penny was
paying off! I never buy lottery tickets but thought what the heck? No time like
when you've got a newly found piece of good luck in your pocket. I asked the kid
for five one dollar scratch off's.
I brought home the tickets and scratched them off
with my lucky penny. I only won four bucks but I had fun imagining what I was
gonna do with all the money I might have won so I was happy. Nathan scratched
off the ticket I didn't win on and said he didn't know what I was so happy
about, the losing ticket was worth fifty bucks. He's a glass half empty kind of
kid.
That night we had to go to school for a PTA
meeting. You know how much I love those things. In the grocery store, if you run
into a mom you don't like, you can duck and cover in the booze aisle..they'd never
come down there. You can't do that in the school cafeteria, though, you've got
to put on your good pair of shorts and hope for the best. Well, the best is what
I got. I bought some new shorts that Sunday and they fit just like they should
so I could go in with my head held high, pony tail flipping them off. But guess
what, not one meany mom in sight. The meeting was about the new school all the
second graders have to go to next year, I guess they don't care about their kids
transition...pffftt.
Then yesterday, my luck still holding out, I got a
call from Nathan's teacher. One of the bad kids mom's couldn't come on the field
trip tomorrow (This has to be the last one..I thought the last one was but I
guess not.) and she wanted to know if I could fill in. Finally! I've been
waiting for that kind of call all year and Nathan didn't have to be bad for it to happen. I LOVE field trips. Oh, and bonus..I get
to ride on the bus! Last year they didn't let us, we had to meet them there.
It's gonna feel weird riding in a vehicle with no seat belt.
I've gotta make sure that my lucky penny doesn't
get mixed in with the rest of the change in my purse. I can't wait to see what
happens next!
!!!Edit!!!
What happened next...Holy cats! I thought I left my drivers license and debt card in the shorts I wore yesterday but when I went to get them to put them back in my purse, they weren't there. I looked everywhere and couldn't find them. Then I thought I'd look in the yard, maybe they fell out of my pocket...I found them, right next to the street. They must have been there all day today and most of yesterday and nobody saw them and stole all our money (because you know that jerk at 7-11 wouldn't ask them for an id.) and they didn't blow away in the hurricane type winds we had yesterday. How lucky was that?!
!!!Edit!!!
What happened next...Holy cats! I thought I left my drivers license and debt card in the shorts I wore yesterday but when I went to get them to put them back in my purse, they weren't there. I looked everywhere and couldn't find them. Then I thought I'd look in the yard, maybe they fell out of my pocket...I found them, right next to the street. They must have been there all day today and most of yesterday and nobody saw them and stole all our money (because you know that jerk at 7-11 wouldn't ask them for an id.) and they didn't blow away in the hurricane type winds we had yesterday. How lucky was that?!
My mom sent this picture to me today...
Look at that, he's clean, he's cute, he's wearing plaid for goodness sake. My questions are.. What the heck happened? This is the same kid who came in tonight so filthy dirty a bath couldn't get it all off? Man, I loved those cheeks, I'm surprised I didn't kiss a hole through them.
I don't think the heavy stuff'll come down for a while.
It looks like a hurricane outside! And if any more of bumpasses dead tree falls into my holly bushes, I'm gonna make him clean it up.
have such a lame sense of humor...
What am I gonna have to do...put a lock down on the
Food Network?
Have y'all ever seen this show "Paula's Party"?
I've seen movies about bachelor parties, having never actually been to one
because I'm a girl, that have less sexual innuendo. Hell, I've seen porn with
less sex than that show. No, not actual sex, don't got running to your DVR's,
but I think Paula Deen's lost her mind! It's not like it's Spike TV or
something..leave that poor man's shirt on!
I've seen her, literally, take a very uncomfortable
looking boy's (I say boy, he was only in his twenties!) shirt off while telling
him to "look her in the eye". Lucky for him he had a t-shirt on underneath.
Another time some poor man was putting a dry rub on a brisket or something and
was instructed to "that's right, rub your meat, baby". What am I supposed to tell Nathan when
he asks why everybody laughed. In another episode, she got a massage and told
the guy "harder baby, harder!" Or sit on some poor guys lap and feed him while
telling him how gorgeous he is. Last time she thanked someone for putting the
"eye candy" in the front row. What the heck? If some man acted like that, we'd
call him a pig.
If that's her idea of a party, I'm surprised her
Santa Claus husband hasn't divorced her by now. She needs to pull the
throttle back a little bit on that stuff, y'all.
I love Sunday mornings..
And just a little FYI..if you really wanna piss Nathan off, especially if he just spent the last 45 min. playing Heart and Soul on our badly tuned piano, just call him Joey repeatedly when he's wearing that shirt, works like a dream. (It's a hand me down from the kid down the street..in case you were wondering.)
