Whew...well, that's three.
I've written in the past about my tendancy to put my foot in my mouth.. it always seems to come in threes.
The first was at Crankypants place... I actually got a giggle out of that one. You can see it here if you want to see what an ass I can make of myself...I'm glad she forgave me. Lesson? read carefully before you comment.
The second time this I was teasing someone and hurt their feelings.. I hate hurting people's feelings almost as much as I hate the doctor. I felt really bad about that one. I apologized so hopefully I've been forgiven. Lesson? Not everyone can be teased about everything and I need to learn the difference.
The third time is kind of weird, because I really thought it was a joke..I'm still not totally convinced it's not. Jax posted about a book she was reading. I hadn't read that book, so I just commented on how another one of the books had been on Oprahs book club list (the first one, actually) and how I stopped reading the book club books after they all seemed to be so serious... It was totally innocent. I never meant to offend the Author (jax did, though.. she's so mean :-P). Hopefully I've made amends there, too. How the heck did she find it anyhow, it was an old post?!! Lesson? If I dis Matthew Mcconaughey.. he might just show up.
At least, now I can relax. I'll be over to your place today (I was waiting for the third boot to drop.. didn't mean to ignore you.. just didn't want to offend you)
Last Thursday Nathan had to come home from school because he threw up, Friday I thought it was best to make him run around crazy running errands with me rather then get the bed rest required to make him feel better. We had lunch with DeWitte and Donna then headed to the grocery store. Just as we pull in he tells me he feels sick...uppp.. better get him the heck out of the rental car ASAP (did I tell you that it's so fancy it doesn't even require a key?) Wouldn't want to have to explain that to the Enterprise people.
Fresh air seemed to help for a minute but then he started to look pale again. So we head for the bathroom inside the store where it happened again. The look. First a glance at Nathan and the disapproving look at me as we enter the woman's bathroom (I'm always thankful when it's empty). Some women clearly think that Nathan is to old to be in the women's restroom. I don't understand why they seem to think it's so inappropriate. I don't ever remember seeing anything more intimate then someone purchasing a tampon. All the stalls have doors and most have music so you don't even hear a tinkle.
Do they somehow feel violated that I'd dare bring a little boy into the bathroom with me? I'm sure they'd feel a lot more violated if I let him puke in the middle of the produce department. Are they afraid he's gonna try to sneak a peek? Only if he suspects you might be hiding a hot wheel in there with you.
Would they have more respect for me as a human being if I let my 7 year old son fend for himself in the men's bathroom?.."I don't care what that man tried to do to your penis the last time you went in there, you'll use that bathroom and like it!" I've lightened up a little bit. If he just has to pee, I let him go into the men's room if nobody else is in there.
This was an emergency, though. I could have let him go into the men's room, but there is no way I could guarantee that he'd wipe off the seat before he stuck his head in toilet.(does it get any more gross then that?)
Maybe I'm just being weird. I tend to take perverts really seriously. I've memorized every face of every child predator listed on the sex offenders registry that lives in my zip code. I've seen them out and about. They don't look like the monsters they are. Maybe I'm somehow scared from seeing the direct result those animals had on some of the foster kids while I was growing up and now I'm being over protective.
So I don't know how old he's gonna have to get before I'm comfortable sending him into a room to directly expose himself to strange men, alone.
I'm just glad I'm not a dad and he's not a daughter.. that must be a nightmare.
I hate to admit this in the land of the pet people, but I am not an animal person. I don't dislike them. I'd never kick one for the hell of it or anything (I have wanted to kick one after to got under my feet one too many times, but I refrained myself). I just don't feel the same kind of affection everyone else seems to feel for their animals. DeWitte and Nathan are animal people, so we have pets.
DeWitte has a cat named Cleo. Cleo is old, cantankerous and very inhospitable. She's so old I check to see if she's breathing about once a day. She's so cantankerous that I'm surprised Nathan and Randy still try to make friends with her. They've both learned that when she's hissing, she means business. She's so inhospitable that if you walk in the kitchen and find her on the table, she just gives you the finger and goes back to the plate.
Nathan's cat Randy has to be the dumbest cat on the planet. Maybe even the universe, but I can't prove that. We got Randy because Nathan's old cat Arthur decided he liked to live at the house on the next block better. We brought him home a couple of times but he always went back. Good riddance, I say, we don't want you, either.
So Randy. Randy is an indoor cat because after Arthur ran away Nathan's got "fear that this cat might run away, too" issues. He's as dumb as a may pole and gets himself into incredible jams on a regular basis. He's caught his foot in a desk chair, that was amusing. He jumped up into the bathroom window that was propped open with a stick and somehow got the window to slam down on him. He flailed around till I could get him out and then fell in to the toilet. He's gotten himself stuck in more places then I can count.. he's just stupid.
Well, now he's gone and hurt himself for real. I don't know what he did but he's limping. I thought I'd give it a few days to see if it got better but he's too stupid to stay off of it. So the plan now is to keep him in the pet carrier while awaiting the vet appointment. He's not enjoying it. I can tell from the unending pleas to be let out. Nathan is convinced he needs to use the bathroom but I'm not falling for that. Next thing you know he'd be stuck in the ceiling or something.. no way. Besides, I'm giving him bathroom breaks once an hour... if he has to go more often then that I'll get him some Depends (extra small, of course)
Why does any of this matter? Because vet visits due to injury bring me great stress. First is the stress from Nathan. He's as worried as an old lady. Next is the stress from DeWitte "how much are you gonna let them do? (this means, are you gonna stop at $300 or $3000?) "What if they want to put him to sleep?" OMG.. I don't know!! Let me get him there and figure out what's wrong first! I'm sure they're just gonna tell me to put him in his crate for a week and then give me a bill for some outrageous sum.
Now normally when they cause me stress for something that isn't even my problem, I'd tell them to do it themselves and leave me out of it. I can't do this with the vet, though.
DeWitte had an apartment cat when we lived downtown. She got out once and got herself knocked up. Soon we had a whole litter of kittens running around the house. I got home from work one night and one of the kittens was really sick. It's paw was all swollen up and a really bad smell was coming from it. It had to go to the vet and it had to go right now. I called DeWitte and told him. He came home right away and started in on the money thing.. like he does. The whole way there he went on and on about how his dad would have just put the kitten in a box under the car exhaust, how this is gonna cost a ton of money we didn't have. It was a good 45 min worth of griping.
We get there and they tell us that there is nothing they can do. The kitten was born with some immune deficiency birth defect and they're going to have to put it to sleep. Just as I start to say.. "well, if you have to" DeWitte blurts out "isn't there ANYTHING you can do?!" I look over at him and he got tears in his eyes! Are you kidding me?! After that 45 min. bitch fest your now willing to sign over the deed to the ranch?
He eventually got over it and we learned a valuable lesson that day.
If I let him take Randy to the vet, Randy would come home in a little cat wheelchair no matter what was wrong with his leg.
Why do I always feel so physically drained the day after Christmas? I can't remember the last time I took a nap. That's better
Christmas was great. I got a Henckels santoku knife, a new cutting board and this cool grater that you can use for things like grating ginger. I love kitchen gadgets, I love to cook. A few years ago I got a garnish set. It was the same time that Danny started bringing Lala around. She must have thought I was nuts, garnishing everything like crazy. I only garnish moderately now that I've discovered the joy of really expensive, really sharp knives. An onion and a few innocent carrots lost their lives yesterday. I've gotta figure out something really chop intensive for dinner.. chicken chow mien maybe, then I can use the grater, too. But then, no, we had Chinese last night. Maybe chicken soup? I could zest a lemon with the grater.. hmmm santoku.
My photography gift this year was a remote switch for my camera. A great addition to the macro lens I bought. No matter what they tell you, bugs don't like to sit still while a cameras timer beeps at them when your trying to avoid camera shake.
I also got the Amy Sedaris book, I Like You. That was kind of funny because earlier that day (we open our gifts on Christmas eve) I heard her on NPR and got home talking about how I've gotta get it. It's about how to entertain at home. She gives great tips like filling the medicine cabinet with marbles or pennies when your having a party so when someone opens it, there will be a loud crash and you'll know who the snoop is.. fantastic. I can't believe I never thought to do that!
We had planned on spending Christmas eve at Wal-Mart blocking aisles and maybe getting between a few last minute shoppers and the object they desire just for fun and meanness but ended up baking instead. I don't really like to bake since I can't eat it, but it's a cheap gift for some of the neighbors. I took a plate to my girlfriend next door and she got all excited about Christmas the next morning.. "we'll be over first thing in the morning to do Christmas!!" Crap. I didn't buy them very much. That kind of excitement from her could only mean that she had spent some money this year... damn it. I only got them an olive garden gift card and their sons some fire works. No problem. The grocery stores got all kinds of gift cards you can add at the last second. I run down and slide threw the doors just as they're about to lock them. I picked up another olive garden card for them and some candy and those "add money MasterCard's" for the boys. Whew, embarrassment averted. But NOOOO their youngest son loved the idea of having his own MasterCard and had to activate it immediately. I didn't know it but you need the receipt to activate it. So now, they know that I didn't purchase their presents till 5:59 on Dec. 24. Nice.
Santa brought Nathan what he asked for. Heelys, a remote control Mater (he found a little zip zap one for $15), and some wooden blocks. He also brought a Cars video game for his computer, which seems to be the favorite present.
We didn't get him much that he could open on Christmas Eve because Danny (have I told you lately how much I love our friends) went halves with us on the greatest present Nathan's ever to likely receive from us. And we didn't even ask him! He came to us and did all the research and found a place to buy it! Then he and Lala got up and delivered it first thing Christmas morning.. they're so great.
This was Nathan's old ride.. it's built tough! It survived more use and abuse then I ever thought it would. As you can see, it's been pimped out over the years but as beloved as it has been, he's just to big for it now.
This was the interim ride. This piece of crap (sorry DeWitte.. it's a piece of crap) started out as a DeWitte project till he lost interest but Nathan still enjoyed driving it... it's so LOUD and it has to be jumped by another vehicle to get it started. It always made me nervous that DeWitte let Nathan charge the 4 batteries on his power wheels truck, but vehicle to vehicle jumping is worse.
This is the new ride. It's for kids 16 and up, so he should be able to use it for years if he doesn't crash and kill himself. It's a blast. He was so happy! His face must have hurt from smiling that big for that long. It's goes pretty fast, so I've gotta keep my eye out. I tried it yesterday and wow.. that fence jumped out really quick. It's got a governor that only seems to affect the acceleration but not the speed. It's got a remote kill switch so that if I see him doing something stupid I can kill the engine. Obviously he needs a better helmet.. doesn't the pink and purple really bring out his eyes? He crashed in the garage this morning, so I'll probably get on that sooner, rather then later.
He's been on it for hours.
So a great Christmas was had by all that will only be beat my another great friends Christmas/New Years next weekend.
My life rocks.
Best Christmas ever..
The end.
As everyone on the planet knows, we don't have any family here. Santa pretty much makes it impossible to go to my parents' house for Christmas, so the past 6 years (we went when Nathan was a baby) have been spent pretty quietly playing with our new toys and stuff. Friends have asked us to spend time with them and their families, but by the time Christmas usually gets here, we're broke and having to buy extra presents just to have dinner at someone else's house never looked like a very good alternative.
This year, by the grace of the money fairy, we're not broke. So, when our friend David's mom called and asked us over for dinner I jumped at the opportunity. It'll be fun to socialize and I had already heard that her daughter had cancelled and this woman is a grandmother to the bone (David doesn't have kids, unless you count his wife). I liked that I could offer my kid as a replacement.
So.. after exclaiming an excited yes and getting off the phone I realized that I couldn't remember if she had, in fact, said dinner. I had heard "Do you think you might be able to make it for ? on Christmas, at noon?"
? could have been anything! The more I thought of it the more freaked out I got. Had she invited us to church?.. I don't want to go to church, I'll have to find a way out! Was it to speak in front of her woman's auxiliary? Probably not, my rational mind thought, they don't have meetings like that on Christmas, besides, she invited all three of us.
I put my tail between my legs and emailed David.. asking if he could "discreetly" find out what we were invited to. Thankfully it ended up being dinner.
Now, to pick out something to take.. a nice flower arrangement, maybe.
Do people still dress up for Christmas?
I was hoping for Charlize Theron.. bummer.
As I sit here wondering who invented the Christmas school vacation and who I have to call to have them killed, (did you know that Nathan likes the doors to be locked while we drive, no really he does. He feels safer. When they're unlocked he doesn't feel so safe, but when they're locked he feels safer. it doesn't have anything to do with my driving it just makes him feel safer while we're driving. He knows that my car does it automatically so we don't have to lock them, but maybe when we first get in this car I could just hit the lock button and lock them all at once, that way he'd feel safer because when they're unlocked he doesn't feel so safe....where did I put that muzzle?) a thought keeps running through my head.
Last night DeWitte and I were wrapping presents and he remarked that we used to fight while wrapping. I don't remember that. I do remember getting a Martha Stewart gift wrapping book and deciding right then and there that we would have the best wrapped presents on the planet! Maybe I laid on the pressure a little too thick.
I do remember our first yelling kind of fight. About 15 years ago, we were putting up a wallpaper border in the kitchen in our old apartment. DeWitte was on the ladder and I was criticizing him for not getting it straight. I don't remember what he yelled, just that he did. I told him to stop yelling at me. He got off the ladder and crossed two rooms to get as far away as he could and kept on yelling.. thinking that if he was farther away, it wouldn't be so loud, so he could continue. I laughed. Looking back that seems appropriate
We take the tag team approach when it comes to gift wrapping. DeWitte can wrap a present so well, he could get a part time job. Then I decorate it with the kind of zeal that would put Martha to shame. Real ribbon, embellishments, you name it I've done it. I enjoy it. No matter how crappy the gift.. it's gonna look fantastic!
I'm glad I don't remember fighting..I'm sorry that DeWitte does.
We don't fight while wrapping anymore, I guess some things just get easier with time.
I went to Nathan's school today to room mother his holiday party. As soon as I got to the classroom his teacher says she was just told a little blonde boy in her class threw up in art, that she's only got one little blonde boy, and he's mine. So, he'll have to go home. I can't tell you how relieved I was. I really dread these functions. Last year there were two other mom's like me, but this year I haven't been able to find an allie.
You have to find a group that you can relate to or you just bump from group to group wishing it was over and that you can just go home. My group of moms don't take themselves very seriously. We love our kids but can admit out loud that they are a pain in the ass sometimes and that they drive us crazy on a regular basis. We can admit out loud that we use the TV as a babysitter and that we let them eat too much junk food. We tend to joke around a lot and roll our eyes at some of the over the top moms in the other groups.
Last year, when we were at the fire station field trip. The kids were in a line and this hunky fireman was lifting them up one at a time and putting them in the truck. I remarked to Nathan's cute, 24 year old (single) teacher that maybe she should get in line. My mom's laughed (and so did his teacher, thankfully). The other mom's didn't.
So, here are the groups we have this year...
The braggy mom. The braggy mom tries to one up you at every opportunity. If they ask how much allowance your kid gets, theirs gets $5 more ($2.50 a week, in case you were wondering, and only if he does his chores). The conversation today revolved around the rental car. "Where's the mini-cooper?" (she lives down the street).. ahh in the shop, had a deer accident "well, the rental looks like a nice car"..too nice if you ask me, I really don't feel comfortable driving a car that costs half of what I paid for my house. Turns out her car cost $10 above the price of the fancy car.. Who would have guessed! (I would have guessed)
The snobby mom. The snobby mom usually works and takes time off for whatever the function is. Her first question is always "What do you do?" I mean, honestly, I'm standing here in a baggy sweater with no make-up. What do I look like I do. She tends to look down on us stay-at-homes, since she can do it all with her arms tied behind her back. I think she's just jealous.
The perfect mom. The perfect mom has a perfect house, perfect children, and a perfect husband. They tend to be very prim and proper and for some reason they're usually religious. They bless you and praise the Lord a lot. They also never let their children eat junk food or watch TV. When they hear us talking about how sometimes we listen to so much Sponge Bob that we find ourselves humming the theme song, they look on with a look of horror on their faces. I'm sure they're considering calling social services. Ohh.. they always remember your name, too. And use it. To me, she will always just be "Roberts mom".
And the most dreaded.. that Gabby mom. You don't want to be cornered by the gabby mom. You will literally have to chew off your own arm to get away. This years gabby mom also has bad and missing teeth. So, you don't just have to stand and listen to her talk, you have to use all the will power you have not to stare at her mouth. I think she might have a methamphetamine problem, that would explain a lot.
So, I felt bad that Nathan missed his party.. but I all but skipped out of the school.
I wonder if I can request that Nathan be in the same class with Derrick and David next year.. it sure would make the school functions more fun.
What I really want is for this to be on the subject of DeWitte's Christmas presents.. they're really good this year. But since I can't do that unless I go around adding everyone as a friend instead of a neighbor and that seems kind of creepy, I can't So.. if you wanna know, let me know and I'll bump up your statues and let you in on the Christmas goodness.
Christmas cards. Every year I send out stacks and stacks of Christmas cards. I'm not one of those print it out and mail it card people, either. Every one is hand written sometimes with a small note, hand addressed and then mailed.
I noticed a curious thing the last couple of years, though. After I send them, we get a huge influx of cards from other people. Like in getting our card they realized they didn't send us one, so they hurry up and get it in the mail.
This year I'm not sending out cards. I want to see who sends us a card because they want to, and who sent us a card because they feel obligated. A great way to see who your real friends are (thanks for the card Donna).. or real acquaintances are, either way.
Yeah.. I know that Christmas is about giving not receiving but a stamp is a stamp! And three equal more then a dollar.
