What Kind Of Mom Am I?
I went to Nathan's school today to room mother his holiday party. As soon as I got to the classroom his teacher says she was just told a little blonde boy in her class threw up in art, that she's only got one little blonde boy, and he's mine. So, he'll have to go home. I can't tell you how relieved I was. I really dread these functions. Last year there were two other mom's like me, but this year I haven't been able to find an allie.
You have to find a group that you can relate to or you just bump from group to group wishing it was over and that you can just go home. My group of moms don't take themselves very seriously. We love our kids but can admit out loud that they are a pain in the ass sometimes and that they drive us crazy on a regular basis. We can admit out loud that we use the TV as a babysitter and that we let them eat too much junk food. We tend to joke around a lot and roll our eyes at some of the over the top moms in the other groups.
Last year, when we were at the fire station field trip. The kids were in a line and this hunky fireman was lifting them up one at a time and putting them in the truck. I remarked to Nathan's cute, 24 year old (single) teacher that maybe she should get in line. My mom's laughed (and so did his teacher, thankfully). The other mom's didn't.
So, here are the groups we have this year...
The braggy mom. The braggy mom tries to one up you at every opportunity. If they ask how much allowance your kid gets, theirs gets $5 more ($2.50 a week, in case you were wondering, and only if he does his chores). The conversation today revolved around the rental car. "Where's the mini-cooper?" (she lives down the street).. ahh in the shop, had a deer accident "well, the rental looks like a nice car"..too nice if you ask me, I really don't feel comfortable driving a car that costs half of what I paid for my house. Turns out her car cost $10 above the price of the fancy car.. Who would have guessed! (I would have guessed)
The snobby mom. The snobby mom usually works and takes time off for whatever the function is. Her first question is always "What do you do?" I mean, honestly, I'm standing here in a baggy sweater with no make-up. What do I look like I do. She tends to look down on us stay-at-homes, since she can do it all with her arms tied behind her back. I think she's just jealous.
The perfect mom. The perfect mom has a perfect house, perfect children, and a perfect husband. They tend to be very prim and proper and for some reason they're usually religious. They bless you and praise the Lord a lot. They also never let their children eat junk food or watch TV. When they hear us talking about how sometimes we listen to so much Sponge Bob that we find ourselves humming the theme song, they look on with a look of horror on their faces. I'm sure they're considering calling social services. Ohh.. they always remember your name, too. And use it. To me, she will always just be "Roberts mom".
And the most dreaded.. that Gabby mom. You don't want to be cornered by the gabby mom. You will literally have to chew off your own arm to get away. This years gabby mom also has bad and missing teeth. So, you don't just have to stand and listen to her talk, you have to use all the will power you have not to stare at her mouth. I think she might have a methamphetamine problem, that would explain a lot.
So, I felt bad that Nathan missed his party.. but I all but skipped out of the school.
I wonder if I can request that Nathan be in the same class with Derrick and David next year.. it sure would make the school functions more fun.
Comments
This reminds me of why I would probably be one of those cosmopolitan moms that the New York Times had a story about last month. Playtime for the kiddies = playtime for the mommies too!
It's okay to love your kids and be annoyed as hell with them at the same time. It goes with the territory.
ohhhh. i feel sorry for 'meth mom'........ i always generally got along with the crackheads, maybe to establish some territory of my own (to be braggy, centered and sanctimonious mom all at once?) but then you're in for the interminable childcare, invariably performed neglectfully because of that nagging asthma problem.......
the chick who wrote 'mean girls' penned an observation piece about clique'y parents. i think it's called 'mean pta bitches.' ....no that's not it.
why are you the only person i want to give christmas gifts to this year?
With that said, I've moved a lot in the past two years and I find that it's very hard to get to really know anyone in the room mother/field trip chaperone capacity. Everyone seems to have their guard up and conversation is all such superficial chatter. Ick.
I'm a WAHM with a successful business, but you'd have never known that to look at me dressed for 5th grade field trip last week - comfy clothes and shoes, baseball cap to ward off the sun, ponytail. Pregnant. Outsider (this is our first year in this district). And I am pretty shy in large groups of people, which I'm sure comes across as standoffish. :-P I can't imagine what people make of me. Anyway I hated every moment of it, except for the part where my kid was beaming with happiness and pride that I was there for her. If it wasn't for that part, I'd swear off these types of forced interactions forever!