QotD: My Best Post
Out of all the Vox posts you've written, which is your favorite? Why?
Submitted by Adam.
This one because I think it's funny.
I go to the
grocery store just about every day. First, because nobody around here
will make up their mind about what they want to eat (myself included),
Second, to socialize. Sometimes it's the only place I go that day and I
like to see if my voice still works after having spent the day alone
not talking (fyi.. did you know that we stay at homes have a party in
the grocery store the first day of school?.. it's true. We all meet up
and talk about how nice it's gonna be to leave the house without
repeating no fifty million times) and Third.. and most important..
entertainment value. You can't beat my grocery store for entertainment
value.
Today I went to the other fancy new grocery store. DeWitte feels peaked, so I thought I'd try out Deb's
matzo ball soup recipe. My grocery store doesn't have things like matzo
meal.. they don't even have malto meal. The fancy store isn't nearly as
entertaining, plus I don't know anybody so I tend to avoid it. The only
strange thing I saw was that the guy in front of me bought 2 of
everything. I figured he must have an alter ego that doesn't like to
share.
My store is in
a strange part of town. It's surrounded by brand new houses and a bunch
of old houses that have been made into low rent apartments, so we get
all kinds. Mostly, White people, black people, Filipino people, and a
butt load of Mexican people (on any fri. evening you can go in and
they'll be stacked 15 deep sending home the hard earned cash they just
received.. is it wrong to admire that kind of determination?)
The first
strangeness I encountered was in the produce department. I was waiting
for a man to finish picking out his tomatoes so I could get in and get
some tomatillios. Only he didn't finish. He proceeded to touch every
tomato, then every tomatillio, every head of garlic. After he finished
that section he moved on to the peppers.. all the green, then red, then
yellow, ect. I was intrigued! Would he continue and touch all the
produce? Where had he started? Does he have a method? Are his hands
covered in poison? I continued to watch as he moved thru the produce
department onto the meat department.. again, he methodically touched
every pack of meat! What would bring on this kind of obsession? I got
bored around the steaks so I moved on.
Another time I
passed a man with a cart full of Advil. Not just the plain stuff,
either. He had regular Advil, Advil pm, Advil liqua-gels. If it said
Advil, he had it. Must be a sale on Advil, I think. DeWitte takes them
by the handful, so I didn't want to miss out. I get to the drug aisle,
no sale and no Advil. This guy had ALL of them in his cart. That's
strange.. why does he need to hog all the Advil? That's when it dawned
on me.. he's gonna steal it! Excellent! I put myself into stealth mode.
If he is, indeed gonna steal it, he's gonna be on high alert, so I have
to stalk extra careful. He ended up parking the cart and leaving. Big
let down. If he stole any, he's good because I didn't see it.
Once there was
this old lady and her daughter. The old lady was about 90 and her
daughter looked to be around 70. Each with their own carts in the back
of the store by the meat. The daughter was ahead of her mom, being only
70 she was a lot quicker. I was standing next to the mom when she yells
out "Erma.. where's the fat back!" It startled me. So, at once, I'm on
alert (gotta have something to talk about over dinner). Daughter
"what?" mom (shuffle shuffle) "Where's the fat back!" (shuffle shuffle)
Daughter "what?" mom (shuffle shuffle) "Where's the fat back" (shuffle
shuffle) Daughter "I can't hear you" (maybe turn the hearing aid up).
During the whole incredibly entertaining situation, the mom's shuffling
towards the daughter who is moving in the same direction away from her.
So, it takes the mom 5 min. to catch up to the daughter, yelling
"where's the fat back" the entire time only to be told that fat back
is, in fact, back where she just came from. I didn't stay to witness the
end. I had all the material I needed.
Comments
oh...I don't know if people with uncontrolled OCD or whatever it is should be allowed in the produce section. yeesh. you should have asked him how many.
You certainly have the Tales from The Supermarket! haha