I Don't Want A Pickle..I Just Want To Ride On My Bicycle

Sep 26, 2008 at 10:05 AM
5 comments

If you haven't heard, DeWitte and Nathan had their bikes stolen. When my bike was stolen, from the far back of the yard, it's half an acre, they didn't just step off the side walk, they took a pretty big risk especially with all the rednecks in this neighborhood, it was no big deal. When their bikes were stolen, from the back of Dewitte's truck in a library parking lot in the worst part of town while they browsed movies for 20 min., it was def-con 5, all hands on deck.

They ride their bikes in the woods behind the elementary school every Friday evening, so DeWitte went on a mission to replace them that made the Roman crusades look like child's play. He was all over Craigslist like a crack head in need of a fix. He'd email me pictures of this bike or that bike like I gave a crap. I told him to just buy a damn bike already. He found one nicer than the one he had.

For Nathan, we decided to buy him one like the one he had because he likes foot brakes so that he can go a hundred miles an hour and then slam on his brakes, skidding and almost killing himself. I think it's a boy thing. So, we went off to Kmart last night, in the middle of a thunderstorm, figuring it wouldn't be crowded, to buy it. Boy, was it not crowded. There are more employees in the grocery store after hours than there were at Kmart yesterday. They must have melted from the rain on their way in.

We go to the bikes and see the one we want, way on the top of the bike rack and sans any kind of paperwork. That means we have to find one of the alleged employees to help us. DeWitte spied someone that looked like they might work there in the electronics department and was met by a look of fear as he approached. DeWitte's not even a little bit scary looking so I guess she was afraid she'd have to work. He asked if she could find someone to help with bikes and the wait began.

We waited while I dug through the clearance bins. We waited while I let Nathan talk me into fronting him $3.50 of his allowance to buy some Lego's. We waited while I picked up and completely finished one of those plastic maze puzzles with 8 balls. We waited while I listened to a couple have an argument about bathroom furniture. Finally, somebody showed up.

We asked him how much the bike cost, he said he had to find out. We waited while I finally parked my butt in camping chair and played with the hand weights I took away from Nathan. We waited and we waited, then we waited some more until the guy finally came back. $69.99..we'll take it.

We took the bike and all of the other things we picked up while we waited, I think that's how they get you. Get you in there and make you wait by the clearance stuff because they know people like me can't resist. I gotta say, though, the $60 fan DeWitte picked up for only $12 was a steal. We get to the register and the cashier says she can't ring up the bike without a bar code, so we wait some more. They have magazines at the register, though, and magazines are like a time machine. They should put some back by the bikes, it would make the waiting a lot more bearable.

Finally, we're done and DeWitte and Nathan both have bikes again. They can take their Friday night bike ride as usual. If they stop at the library on the way home, though, I'm gonna be forced to kill them both.